There will probably be some tough decisions to make with your guest list. Ultimately, it all boils down to who you want in the room with you and how well do you want to know the people that are there.
After the guest list headaches, chasing RSVPs and endlessly revising the seating plan, there may be some issues to consider so you can avoid any dramas with tricky wedding attendees.
Here are my top 6 tips for dealing with difficult wedding guests.
1. Think about your guest list from the start. Be specific on the invitation to avoid unexpected plus ones. Have a plan if an unexpected guest arrives.
2. Brief your attendants. Perhaps give them on stand by with a secret code word to intervene with difficult guests. Think about any guests that may need to be kept a part (or away from the free bar!)
3. Seat difficult guests near the back or side at the reception. Consider seating divorced couples apart. Think about having a sweetheart table if your parents are not able to sit together on a traditional top table.
4. Ensure guests are kept well fed (it helps soaks up alcohol) to avoid drunken antics. Happy guests are less likely to be tetchy or bored.
5. Ask for any dietary requirements in advance. Make sure there’s no surprises on the day.
6. Keep the children entertained to stave off boredom. Consider outside or an additional room for them to play.
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The wedding guest list is often cited as being one of the top stresses for couples during wedding planning (whether you plan to invite children or not to your big day).
Who to invite is personal to each couple, as every family has different circumstances and it depends who is ‘hosting’ the wedding (and often who is paying for it). There may be some tough decisions to make with your guest list. Perhaps the reality of your budget means you have to rein in a few of your plans, or other people’s involvement means compromising on who you want to invite, including whether to have children at all/some/none of your wedding.
There’s no right or wrong answer on who to invite to your wedding. Nor is there sadly a magical formula that will work it out for you. Ultimately, you should invite guests that you want to share your special day with.
who to invite
It is said that the enjoyment of most gatherings can be made or broken depending on who is there. People do really make the party! So the all important guest list can dictate what kind of a day you (and your guests) might have.
To avoid confusion from the outset, it is often better to be really specific about who you are inviting, to which parts of the day they are invited to, and whether you are inviting their children (or not) so that they are not left in any doubt.
Meanwhile, here is a checklist to consider if you are inviting children to your wedding:
clear communication – set expectations early on about who is invited and give guests with children an idea of the running order for the day so they can plan naps, meals and their schedule accordingly around your day
consistency – make sure you say the same thing to everyone and be clear why there may be exceptions
contribution – get children involved with little tasks like confetti throwing, part of the speeches, ring bearer etc
crèche – consider childcare or a chaperone in a side room for lots of children
changing facilities – make sure there’s somewhere for little ones to ‘freshen up’
crafts, cinema, competitions, cartoons, colouring or just somewhere to run around outside – anything to help keep them entertained (how about a silent disco for them during the meal?)
catering – have food specifically with children in mind
chairs – make sure they’re comfortable, suitable for their age and close to their parents
entertaining children at weddings
One of the key things to keeping your wedding guests happy (whatever their age) is to keep them fed, watered and entertained! When it comes to children at weddings they may need a little more entertainment.
With the right planning, involving children in the celebrations can be fantastic fun without compromising on a stylish and stress-free day. Here are some top tips for entertaining children at your wedding, courtesy of Hedgerow Circus, to ensure a stress free day for all generations to enjoy.
1. Think about the flow of the day
Providing toys and games for your youngest guests can make a huge difference to the flow of the reception, as having the children happily entertained has the added bonus that the parents are free to fully enjoy the celebrations too.
2. Keep a space free in your venue for children guests
Every venue is different, but almost all have an area which is suitable to dedicate to some toys and games. This may be anything from an entire room which can become a fully stocked playroom if you have lots of children attending, to a quiet corner of a marquee where a simple white tipi with toys inside could be set up. Allocating a dedicated play area, however large or small, will prevent toys from taking over.
3. Involve children guests in parts of the wedding day
Consider any times that you can involve children in the proceedings, not only as flower girls or page boys but with responsibilities such as handing out programmes, confetti or gifts. If you have any older or more confident children attending, perhaps reading a short poem or announce cutting of the cake. It’s always a good idea to provide some quiet entertainment for the times you don’t want the children to be involved, such as during speeches. A speeches survival kit of puzzles, colouring or Lego usually goes down a treat (for parents too – who can relax and listen to the speeches).
4. Bring the generations together
Enjoy the chance to bring all the generations of your friends and family together in one place, to celebrate this new chapter in your lives together. You will be giving special memories to everyone to look back on.
About Hedgerow Circus
There is no need to compromise on style when including toys and games at your wedding venue; take a look at Hedgerow Circus, a local company based in the Cotswolds who provide a great range of attractive play areas to cater for groups of all sizes, delivered and set up at your wedding or event venue.
Everyone has a different sized budget which varies based on what you choose for your day.
As with most elements of the wedding day, each component can be prioritised in order to put the focus where you want it to go. Bear in mind that within each category of your budget you have a range of price points you could choose depending on the quality (ie you could pick caviar or chips for your food! You could arrive by helicopter or have your mate’s dad drop you off in his car.)
Overall wedding budgets are on the rise. The average cost of a wedding in the UK (outside of London) is currently £27,000. The largest part of the wedding budget is spent on catering, the venue, photography, the wedding dress and entertainment – in that order.
As a guide, I tend to suggest to couples that they allocate around 35% of their overall wedding budget (£9,450 of a £27,000 budget) to cover all aspects of the reception (to include cake, décor, drink, favours, food, furniture and venue hire costs).
Other areas of the budget should include these categories:
Ceremony
Reception
Entertainment
Attire
Rings
Photography
Flowers
Stationery
Transport
Gifts
Hen/stag parties
Honeymoon (optional)
Take a look at an example of a wedding budget in percentage terms and please contact me if you’d like to see a further breakdown of costs.
So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus when you hold your wedding is connected too! As previously covered (in the who and where posts), nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as ‘the holy trinity of wedding planning’.
This post deals with the tricky topic of money and how to allocate and prioritise your budget.
For example, where you have your wedding will affect the cost, as a wedding abroad, a local hotel wedding or a rustic barn venue will all vary considerably in price.
Likewise, when you have your wedding will incur different price structures, especially for venues. Different times of the year vary in price and peak season (summer months in the UK) will be more expensive than winter or off peak times. Less popular days of the week are often cheaper than weekend days.
Finally, who you invite or how many guests will obviously have an impact – the more you invite, the more it will cost.
There’s often a perception that anything labelled ‘wedding’ will be more expensive. In certain areas, I don’t believe that the type of event that you’re holding should affect the costs. However, I do understand that a wedding is a really special day and so it demands a certain level of consideration, time and effort to create the special day the couple have envisaged. Couples do have a greater expectation for this life changing event (that they’ll hopefully only do once) and so this will mean more attention from suppliers which can often increase costs to cover additional involvement and interaction.
So, how much will your wedding cost?
Well, this is like asking how long is a piece of string? Because everyone has a different sized budget and it can vary based on what you choose for your day.
As with most elements of the wedding day, each component can be prioritised in order to put the focus where you want it to go. Bear in mind that within each category of your budget you have a range of price points you could choose depending on the quality (ie you could pick caviar or chips for your food! You could arrive by helicopter or have your mate’s dad drop you off in his car.)
Overall wedding budgets are on the rise. The average cost of a wedding in the UK (outside of London) is currently £27,000. The largest part of the wedding budget is spent on catering, the venue, photography, the wedding dress and entertainment – in that order.
As a guide, I tend to suggest to couples that they allocate around 35% of their overall wedding budget (£9,450 of a £27,000 budget) to cover all aspects of the reception (to include cake, décor, drink, favours, food, furniture and venue hire costs).
Other areas of the budget should include these categories:
Ceremony
Reception
Entertainment
Attire
Rings
Photography
Flowers
Stationery
Transport
Gifts
Hen/stag parties
Honeymoon (optional)
Take a look at an example of a wedding budget in percentage terms and please contact me if you’d like to see a further breakdown of costs.
Fixed costs Pivotal to all your planning is how much money you have to play with. This will determine whether you can go to town or be a bit more creative and diy some elements yourself. How much you have to spend will definitely factor in to how many people you can invite, where you can afford and what they can eat.
There are some costs that won’t change no matter how many people are at your wedding. These are called fixed costs such as:
Ceremony fee
Decorations
Entertainment
Insurance
Photography
Rings
Venue hire costs
Wedding dress
Variable costs There are a number of costs that will alter depending on how many people are enjoying them. As well as the number of guests, you should also consider the size of your bridal party too. These variable costs include:
Accommodation
Cake
Drinks
Favours
Food
Flowers (for attendants)
Gifts
Stationery (such as invitations, menus, orders of services, name places etc)
Suits and dresses for the bridal party
Transport
Here are my top tips for planning and managing your wedding budget:
Ascertain how much money you have available
Determine who is paying or contributing and by how much
Decide whether to include your honeymoon in the wedding budget costs
Set a budget
Stick to the budget
Have a contingency of about 10%
Determine the size of your bridal party (and who is paying for all elements of their attire etc)
Calculate number of guests attending
Prioritise the budget categories to ascertain your ‘must haves’ versus your ‘nice to haves’
Adjust the budget according to your priorities
Research costs – get at least three quotes for each item for comparison
Work out your fixed costs
Calculate the difference in variable costs depending on the number of guests attending
Confirm when and how much deposits and instalment are payable
Ask about cancellation fees and timings
Write down what you’ve paid, when you’ve paid it and what you’ve still to pay
Include tips for waiting staff etc
Remember it’s just one day and focus on what is really important – your life together!
With the who, whereand how much at the fore front of your mind, you can set the date and everything else can fall in to place so you can start planning all the other finer details. Take a look at this handy wedding planning timeline to see when you need to plan for other elements of the wedding day.
Please contact me if you’d like further help and guidance with your budget allocation and a budget spreadsheet template to help with all aspects of your wedding planning.
Huge congratulations if you’re currently planning your forthcoming wedding (or another milestone occasion). I hope that you’re enjoying the wedding planning process so far. Take a look at this handy wedding planning timeline and other tips to help you get started.
JUST ENGAGED: Set the budget, date & guest list so you can pick a venue and planner
11-12 MONTHS TO GO: Book photographer, florist and caterer, pick your attendants, get insurance & think about decor
8-10 MONTHS TO GO: Book officiant and band, register for gifts, book honeymoon, buy dress & pick stationery
6-7 MONTHS TO GO: Pick cake, buy bridesmaids dresses, send save the date, trial hair and make up & taste menu
3-5 MONTHS TO GO: Book transport, hire suits, pick accessories, buy rings, order favours and decide on decor
1-2 MONTHS TO GO: Send invitations, finalise menu, write vows, confirm numbers, create seating plan & complete schedule
After you’ve decided when your special day will be and sorted the major elements of your guest list, venue and budget (or the who, where and how much of what I term the ‘holy trinity of wedding planning‘) then you’re in to the nitty gritty of things.
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So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus when you hold your wedding is connected too! As previously covered (in the who post), nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as ‘the holy trinity of wedding planning’.
This month I’m going to tackle the where element and your all-important choice of venue (and will look at the last element in the trinity of how much another time).
Finding the right venue that is available at the right time, for the right price, for the right number of guests will be one of the first (and trickiest) parts of planning your wedding. But once you’ve decided on this element everything else will seem like a doddle! Before venue hunting, have a rough idea of your budget and how many guests you want to share the day with you. (I told you that the where, who and how much elements would come in to play.) And have an idea of when you want it to take place too. See my top tips below to give you an idea of some other factors to help you decide the place where you’ll say ‘I do’.
Nowadays, the world is pretty much your oyster in terms of options available. If you’ve seen ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’, you’ll realise that you can get married in all types of places!
1.Where in the world
Maybe you don’t fancy risking the British weather and want to get married outside of the UK, to jet off or elope. Destination weddings are certainly an attractive proposition and usually mean that all the details get handled for you by the hotel where you are staying. Plus you get your honeymoon and wedding all rolled in to one.
However, it’s worth considering that going abroad could limit who can come to the wedding (here’s the trinity coming in to play again) as not everyone will be able to afford to attend or elderly relatives may not be well enough to travel. Plus, just remember that whoever does come will be with you for your honeymoon too! Guests would have to factor in more time to attend the wedding, so the time of year that you have your wedding may also affect whether they could come.
Before booking your tickets, you should also check the legalities of your chosen country as it may be more hassle than it’s worth to be legally wed in that country (translating of documents, time and effort etc) so you may chose to do the legal bit at home before or after the glamourous beach part. (Don’t forget to make sure your passport matches the name you are travelling under – it might be best to travel under your maiden name unless there is time to get your passport changed before you travel. (See my checklist of other documents and organisations to tell about your change of name.)
2.Pinpoint the location
Once you’ve decided on whether you’re getting married home or abroad, then you need to narrow down the location and think about:
Which country?
Which region?
Which town?
Will it be in or out of town?
Would the venue be easy to find?
All these factors will impact on travel costs and timings. Guests will need to consider whether they need to factor in overnight accommodation as well. Plus if your wedding is not near where you live you may not be able to visit the venue many times before the big day or meet with suppliers face to face to view products in advance.
Think about how far away the ceremony venue is from the reception venue in terms of distance but also timings. Depending on what time of day you’re getting married it may conflict with rush hour or school runs that could affect traffic and people travelling between locations.
Wherever you get married, if you are having a Church of England wedding ceremony, your Banns (an announcement of your intention to marry) need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as the church where you will be getting married (if this is somewhere different). So if you plan to attend the reading of your Banns, it might be harder if you have to travel far.
3.Formalities
What kind of day do you want? Perhaps you’ve already got your Pinterest boards at the ready (goodness knows how we ever planned anything before Pinterest!) If not, how do you envisage your wedding day? The style of wedding that you want will influence the venue you choose so think about whether you want something that is:
All in one venue?
Big or small?
Relaxed or formal?
Inside or outside?
Urban or rural or coastal?
Unique or package?
Adults only or child friendly?
Organised for you or somewhere you can bring together your own group of suppliers?
What kind of theme do you want?
Vintage
Rustic
Glamourous
Country garden
Festival
Tropical
Medieval
Carnival
etc etc
4.Legally speaking
You could have a religious or civil ceremony, or perhaps have a blessing in an amazing off-the-beaten track location and do the legal bit at another time. According to the Citizens Advice Bureau in the UK, at the moment you can legally get married in the following places:
a Register Office
premises approved by the local authority such as a hotel
a church of the Church of England, Church in Wales, Church of Ireland, Presbyterian or Roman Catholic Church in N. Ireland (opposite sex couples only)
a synagogue or any other private place if both partners are Jewish
a Meeting House if one or both partners are either members of the Society of Friends (Quakers) or are associated with the Society by attending meetings
any registered religious building (England and Wales only)
the home of one of the partners if the partner is housebound or detained, for example, in prison
a place where one partner is seriously ill and not expected to recover, for example, in hospital
a licensed naval, military or air force chapel
In addition, owners of premises that are regularly open to the public (ie stately homes, hotels and civic buildings) can apply to hold civil marriages. Generally these places need to be in a permanent built structure and not an open air venue. So it’s worth checking with your dream venue to check if you could get legally married there.
5.Location, location, location
Whether you’re having a one-stop venue, or having the legal part somewhere else, you’ll want to have somewhere you can relax, eat and have fun with your guests after the ceremony. There are lots of different types of venues to chose from for your wedding reception including:
How far in advance you’re planning might open up more possibilities and how much you have to spend will offer different options. Plus the number of guests will complete the trinity of factors that will influence where you pick.
See my list of Top 20 venues in and around Oxfordshire and the Cotswolds for some local venue inspiration.
6.Size does matter
With your trusty (and let’s be honest probably controversial and stress inducing) guest list at the ready, you’ll be able to determine what size of venue you need. Other things to think about with your guests include:
Will you be feeding all the guests?
Will it be a sit down meal or buffet? (If you want to all be sat around tables that could change the number of people you can fit in a room versus if people are stood mingling around.)
Will you be having all the guests for the whole day? Or will you have some for the meal and some will come in addition later for the evening?
The size of the venue will influence how many guests you can invite but you could increase the numbers by having an evening section that doesn’t require everyone to be sat down to eat.
7.Icing on the cake
So what’s really important to you? What are the things you won’t compromise on – those things that your wedding venue must have to make your wedding perfect?
Do you require parking? How much parking is required?
What facilities are important to you?
Do you need disabled access?
How many rooms will you need?
What size of rooms are available?
Are there separate rooms for getting ready beforehand?
Is there a space for children or for elderly to escape the main area?
Will yours be the only wedding at that venue on the day?
Is there accommodation at the venue?
What facilities or factors are on your non-negotiable list?
8.The fine detail
They’re probably not deal breakers, but there may be a few minor points that could sway your decision or would give a different day depending on the decisions by individual venues about their policies on:
Confetti
Candles
Marquees
Fireworks
Helicopters
Music switch off time
Enough power
Use of your own suppliers
License for alcohol
Picking your venue may be time consuming but the effort will be worth it as the venue is probably the most expensive element of the day, so you want it to be right. Once you’ve sorted the venue (and set the date) then you can start planning all the other finer details. With the who, where and how much at the fore front of your mind, everything else can fall in to place.
Last month I started to talk about the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are where, who and how much (otherwise known as your venue, guests and budget). These are a group of three things that are united. As I mentioned in the post that looked at when to get married, nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as the holy trinity of wedding planning.
This month I’m going to tackle the who element and your all-important guest list (and will look at the where and how much aspects another time).
There will probably be some tough decisions to make with your guest list. Perhaps the reality of your budget means you have to rein in a few of your plans, or other people’s involvement means compromising on some thoughts, or maybe who you want to invite and have on your guest list causes headaches.
Here are 10 things that can dictate and influence who gets to come to the big day:
1. Venue
Firstly the other two elements of the holy trinity of wedding planning (the where and how much) will have a massive say on how many guests you can invite. For example, you can’t decide on a venue without knowing how many people you want to invite. Or maybe you want to pick your dream venue and have the size of the place dictate the number of guests you can invite. The venue could also influence the style of wedding you have based on how many guests you’re allowed in the room for a ceremony, a sit down meal or a standing buffet (this number will vary depending on the number of chairs and tables required for different room set ups).
Where you hold your wedding may affect whether people are able to travel to it. For instance, if you have a destination wedding abroad or hold it in a different part of the country to where your family live. These decisions could mean that elderly relatives can’t make it or people can’t take extra time off work to travel or stay over at the venue. Although, maybe you want to limit the numbers and so eloping or flying off to Vegas may be the best option for you so that you have just a few select guests there. (Bear in mind that infamous episode of Don’t Tell the Bride though and don’t eliminate important guests ie pick one sibling over the other to go to a destination wedding!)
2. Budget
The other part of the holy trinity of wedding planning is the money side of things. How much you have to spend will definitely factor in to how many people you can invite. It might not just be about how many people you can fit in the room, but how many you can afford to be there too. There are some costs that won’t change no matter how many people are there but there a number of variable costs that will alter depending on how many people are enjoying them. These costs include the food, favours, cake, drinks, stationery (such as invites, menus, orders of services etc) and the size of the bridal party. Plus if you are going abroad, consider whether you or your guests pay for their transport, travel and hotel costs.
[Look out for more on budgeting advice for weddings and venue choices in future blog posts about the holy trinity of wedding planning coming soon.]
3. Timing
I covered quite a bit about this aspect in the So, when’s the big day? post last month. Suffice to say that the day of the week could have a big impact on whether people would be able to attend and also if it’s during a holiday time. If you really want to ensure people can make it then the best advice is to give them as much notice as possible. Send out save the date cards or discuss with key people to find out whether they could make it.
4. Law
Let’s bring this back down to the basics. The most important people to be at your wedding are you and your partner. As well as you two, you only really need 3 (or 4) other people to be there if you want an intimate affair. So as long as you’ve got someone to carry out the ceremony (plus a registrar if the person who conducts the ceremony is not authorised to register marriages) and two witnesses then you’re sorted. Anyone else is a bonus.
5. Family
It’s probably best to start with your nearest and dearest. Who could you not do without in order to enjoy the day? These are probably your parents, siblings, family and close friends. If you have a very large family, it could mean that you don’t have many spaces left for lots of other guests!
6. Wedding party
Then there’s the crew that stand alongside you on the big day. These reliable, supportive and trusted friends are who you are putting all your faith in to ensure your day goes smoothly. So pick your team wisely (this was a top tip from one bride in the Wedding day advice from real brides and grooms blog). It is entirely up to you how big to make your wedding party. But consider that how many people are in the bridal party will affect the number of bridesmaids dresses, bouquets, gifts, suits etc that you have to include in the budget (yes, everything comes back to the holy trinity of wedding planning again!) Decide and discuss what you are going to pay for and what elements you require to be paid for by the wedding party as soon as you can.
7. Wallet
Now this is the biggy and probably the most political and controversial aspect. Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying for your own wedding, you pretty much can decide all elements yourself. Or at least have the final say. However, if the money is coming from someone else you may feel indebted to honour their wishes or requests. For example, if your parents are paying then they may want to invite many of their own guests to the day. Traditionally it is etiquette for the bride’s and groom’s parents to have a proportion of the guest list to allocate themselves. Often it comes down to a bit of compromise. For me, I didn’t want to look around the room and not know the people that were sharing our day. With an intimate occasion, I didn’t want to invite a long-list relative at the sacrifice of inviting a dear friend.
8. Day vs evening
If you have the option to be able to split the day to different elements then you could include additional people as evening guests to join you after the main meal. But try to make sure it’s not just a tagged on event and still includes elements of a wedding day to make them feel like valued additions to the day.
9. Plus ones
You’ll also need to decide whether you are going to include children to your wedding. Are you inviting work colleagues? If you’re not limited to numbers will you allow single guests to bring plus ones that you potentially might not even know?
10. Who?
Ultimately, it all boils down to who you want in the room with you and how well do you want to know the people that are there. Honestly, you’ll start to see pound signs appearing above your friends and family’s heads! I guess, it’s a crude way to think of it but in reality you’ve got to think ‘Would I take this person out to dinner and pay for their meal?’ (or pay for them to have a drink, if you are having a separate evening guest list). Do you know them? Do you like them? Have you seen them recently? Do you want them to share your day with you?
When you look back on your big day your wedding photographs will be a snap shot of your family and circle of friends at that moment in time.
There’s no right or wrong answer on who to invite to your wedding. Nor is there a magical formula that will work it out for you. Ultimately, you should invite guests that you want to share your special day with. When you look around the room you want to know that everyone in the room is an important part of your life and it is precious to have all the people you care about in one place at the same time.
So, you’ve got all your guests to the venue, now where do you seat them? Look out for a guide to organising your seating plan in another blog post soon.
wedding guest list
So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus 
After you’ve decided 
So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus 
3.Formalities
5.Location, location, location 
7.Icing on the cake
Picking your venue may be time consuming but the effort will be worth it as the venue is probably the most expensive element of the day, so you want it to be right. Once you’ve sorted the venue (and 
Last month I started to talk about the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are 
