The wedding guest list is often cited as being one of the top stresses for couples during wedding planning (whether you plan to invite children or not to your big day).
Who to invite is personal to each couple, as every family has different circumstances and it depends who is ‘hosting’ the wedding (and often who is paying for it). There may be some tough decisions to make with your guest list. Perhaps the reality of your budget means you have to rein in a few of your plans, or other people’s involvement means compromising on who you want to invite, including whether to have children at all/some/none of your wedding.
There’s no right or wrong answer on who to invite to your wedding. Nor is there sadly a magical formula that will work it out for you. Ultimately, you should invite guests that you want to share your special day with.
who to invite
It is said that the enjoyment of most gatherings can be made or broken depending on who is there. People do really make the party! So the all important guest list can dictate what kind of a day you (and your guests) might have.
To avoid confusion from the outset, it is often better to be really specific about who you are inviting, to which parts of the day they are invited to, and whether you are inviting their children (or not) so that they are not left in any doubt.
Meanwhile, here is a checklist to consider if you are inviting children to your wedding:
clear communication – set expectations early on about who is invited and give guests with children an idea of the running order for the day so they can plan naps, meals and their schedule accordingly around your day
consistency – make sure you say the same thing to everyone and be clear why there may be exceptions
contribution – get children involved with little tasks like confetti throwing, part of the speeches, ring bearer etc
crèche – consider childcare or a chaperone in a side room for lots of children
changing facilities – make sure there’s somewhere for little ones to ‘freshen up’
crafts, cinema, competitions, cartoons, colouring or just somewhere to run around outside – anything to help keep them entertained (how about a silent disco for them during the meal?)
catering – have food specifically with children in mind
chairs – make sure they’re comfortable, suitable for their age and close to their parents
entertaining children at weddings
One of the key things to keeping your wedding guests happy (whatever their age) is to keep them fed, watered and entertained! When it comes to children at weddings they may need a little more entertainment.
With the right planning, involving children in the celebrations can be fantastic fun without compromising on a stylish and stress-free day. Here are some top tips for entertaining children at your wedding, courtesy of Hedgerow Circus, to ensure a stress free day for all generations to enjoy.
1. Think about the flow of the day
Providing toys and games for your youngest guests can make a huge difference to the flow of the reception, as having the children happily entertained has the added bonus that the parents are free to fully enjoy the celebrations too.
2. Keep a space free in your venue for children guests
Every venue is different, but almost all have an area which is suitable to dedicate to some toys and games. This may be anything from an entire room which can become a fully stocked playroom if you have lots of children attending, to a quiet corner of a marquee where a simple white tipi with toys inside could be set up. Allocating a dedicated play area, however large or small, will prevent toys from taking over.
3. Involve children guests in parts of the wedding day
Consider any times that you can involve children in the proceedings, not only as flower girls or page boys but with responsibilities such as handing out programmes, confetti or gifts. If you have any older or more confident children attending, perhaps reading a short poem or announce cutting of the cake. It’s always a good idea to provide some quiet entertainment for the times you don’t want the children to be involved, such as during speeches. A speeches survival kit of puzzles, colouring or Lego usually goes down a treat (for parents too – who can relax and listen to the speeches).
4. Bring the generations together
Enjoy the chance to bring all the generations of your friends and family together in one place, to celebrate this new chapter in your lives together. You will be giving special memories to everyone to look back on.
About Hedgerow Circus
There is no need to compromise on style when including toys and games at your wedding venue; take a look at Hedgerow Circus, a local company based in the Cotswolds who provide a great range of attractive play areas to cater for groups of all sizes, delivered and set up at your wedding or event venue.
As someone with dietary requirements, I’m always impressed (& relieved) when different diets are considered at a wedding (which also means I’ve got something to eat to soak up all that free drink!)
I stir clear of most dairy products (apart from the occasional chocolate treat and an annual ice cream when I’m on holiday) and have done for about 30 years now (yikes – now that’s showing my age isn’t it!) I found that dairy was a trigger for migraines and now I find that cheese or cream doesn’t agree with my stomach either after years of abstinence. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t miss it. In fact, just thinking about the smell of melted cheese makes me feel queasy!
When I was younger it was hard to find alternatives to dairy but now the supermarket shelves are stacked with wonderful ‘free from’ and alternatives to suit varied and diverse diets. I certainly don’t feel so difficult to cater for anymore!
For me, there’s not always an instant reaction to eating the things I avoid but for some people they may have a severe allergy or strong beliefs that mean they must not come in to contact with some foods.
That’s why I’m a strong believer in the importance of asking wedding guests if they have any special dietary requirements in order to respect their health, religious, moral or political choices. Plus it’s nice to have happy guests who don’t feel awkward (or hungry), tucking in to delicious food and not the same old unimaginative alternatives.
Here’s my quick ABC of how to make sure you’re covering all your bases when it comes to catering for special dietary requirements.
A – Ask your guests as early as you can. Include a section on your RSVP cards (to send with the invites) for them to be able to fill in any dietary requirements. Or even on your save the date cards if you’re really on the ball. You could even give them an example of what the menu might be and get people to choose their meals in advance.
B – Base the menu on your tastes – it is your day after all! It’s a good starting point to think about what you like and dislike to eat plus what you have enjoyed feasting on at weddings that you’ve attended as guests. You can ensure the food will fit your theme and style of wedding. However be mindful if your tastes are unconventional as you want to be inclusive to your guests too. Which leads us to the next point…
C – Customise your menu. Create your menu in such a way that anyone with an allergy or dietary requirement can still enjoy the main aspect of the meal. However, for example, a vegetarian option shouldn’t just remove the meat element of the dish but rather have a delicious alternative instead. Likewise, for a non dairy person like myself, having the option to be able to add your own sauce to a meal (that may have cream, yoghurt, butter or cheese in it) could mean that I could still enjoy the same dish but without the sauce (or with a substitute sauce) rather than it coming served in the sauce. The main dish could remain the same but with some ‘pick and mix’ elements to ensure dietary requirements are met. A clever caterer will be able to think of ways to alter dishes to suit.
D – Diets to consider could include the following (although this is by no means an exhaustive list):
Vegetarian
Vegan
Non dairy
Gluten free
Kosher
Halal
Hindu
Diabetic
Low fat
Low salt
Nut free
Child friendly
Pregancy
E – Establish and eliminate elements of the menu. Once you have a list of your guests requirements you can start to construct a menu with your caterer or venue that can suit their needs. If you are unsure what they can/can’t eat then it is always best to confirm with them and show them specific ingredient lists from the chef. Decide how many main dishes will be offered to guests such as a meat, a fish and a vegetarian option that can then all be adjusted to take in to account the different diets.
F – Figure out the style of meal being offered. How you serve food can have an impact on offering alternatives. For example, a sit down meal can mean that meals can be tailored individually though could be increase costs to prepare separate dishes for different people. A (well labelled) buffet could mean that guests can choose the food that is most appropriate to their diets although means that food may have been premade and harder to adjust on the day. A hog roast is a cheap and tasty way to mass cater but provides limited choices and alternative options.
G – Go and meet with your caterer / venue. Any chef worth their weight in gold won’t be phased (or surprised) by the challenge of catering for guests with different dietary requirements. As long as they know enough in advance, they can plan and prepare for the different meals. It is also worth checking how they prepare the food if allergies or religion are the reason for some special diets as you may need to use specific caterers for some meals.
H – Have your cake and eat it. Don’t forget about all meals and beverages that are going to be consumed during the day including your wedding cake. Think about having different tiers of the cake made to suit different guests. Or even having an alternative to a cake altogether.
I – Inform your guests. Make sure that you check the final menu with the guests that are most affected so that they know what they will be able to eat on the day. Communication plus no surprises puts most people at ease.
J – Just checking. Confirm numbers, menu and dietary requirements with the caterers / venue just prior to the big day so that it’s fresh in their minds. Plus check that the waiting staff know where the special meals are to be served at each table. Perhaps put a subtle symbol on the name places that signifies a special meal.
You don’t have to provide an a la carte menu with several variations, you just need a flexible kitchen and an inventive chef or caterer who can conjure up a meal to suit all diners.
Enjoy picking the menu for your wedding breakfast. Remember that it is your special day and you should choose what you both love. You won’t be able to please all your guests however keeping them well fed will be a good start to keeping them happy. Bon appetite!
Weddings are a wonderful celebration of love and marriage. And how wonderful to have all the people you care about in the same place at the same time. Along with the wedding party, the other beautifully attired guests in the room will have invested their time and money to be there on the day with you too.
At one point in my life I was a serial wedding guest and also could often be seen wearing a fancy dress stood at the front (although only as a bridesmaid all too often). Luckily I’ve now found my Prince Charming and I vowed to learn from all the weddings I’d attended to ensure that our wedding guests had an amazing time.
Here are my top ten tips to keeping your wedding guests happy and ensure your wedding is remembered as a great day by all:
1. Keep your guests fed, watered and entertained then you pretty much can’t go wrong. Fail at one of these and they’ll get twitchy, tetchy or bored. Remember everyone loves free things! If you can’t afford to pay for the bar all night then perhaps welcome drinks and some with the meal will be a nice gesture. Plus as someone with dietary requirements, I’m always impressed (& relieved) when different diets are considered at a wedding (which means I’ve got something to eat to soak up all that free drink!)
2. Keep them busy. No one likes to sit around for too long. Getting them involved and interacting will keep them engaged. Perhaps a video diary room for them to leave you a message or a photo booth for some fun. Don’t forget the children too with activities to keep their minds busy (and parents happy!)
3. Set expectations early. People are generally happier if they know what is happening and when. Give them a schedule with their invites (or in the order of service) so they at least know when the food will be served. Make it really clear in your invites who exactly is invited and to which parts. I was invited to a wedding a few years ago and the invite didn’t have any names on it. We didn’t know if our children were included let alone if we were both invited! Worse still, make it clear if they’re only being invited to the evening part rather than all day. Nothing worse than having to embarrassingly turn away guests.
4. Give clear and consistent communications. Make sure you say the same things to everyone. Don’t have different rules for different people. Or if you do, be clear why this is the case. For example, if you’ve said that it’s a kid free wedding but then you let one of your out of town guests bring their little ones with them. Or I once went to a wedding and wondered why so many of the guests were dressed in black and white. It turns out that one side of the family had been told that the couple had requested a colour scheme. However this message hadn’t been translated to all the guests including me (in my green and brown dress) and my husband (in his blue suit) plus the rest of our side of the family!
5. Choose your guests carefully. They say that the enjoyment of most gatherings can be made or broken depending on who is there. People do really make the party! So the all important seating plan can dictate what kind of a day your guests might have. Often I’ve been a guest at the evening part of a wedding and not really known anyone except for the happy couple. It’s been really hard to integrate with the day guests when you don’t know them and when you’re coming to the show late. So make sure that you can offer the evening guests a flavour of the day too. Perhaps save cutting your cake and first dance so they get to experience some ‘wedding’ elements in their experience too.
6. Inject some humour in to the day. Honestly the best weddings I’ve been to have been when I’ve been belly laughing at the speeches. Not the ones where I’ve been cringing at the inappropriateness, or yawning at the length of the speech or felt like an outsider as I didn’t understand any of the in jokes. Laughter is great and it’s really important to make the day fun for everyone but not just for a select few.
7. Show your love and gratitude. Guests may have come a long way, taken time off work or paid to stay over. So let them know how much you appreciate their support and presence either with words or presents. Isn’t it great to see a happy couple so in love and making this commitment. As a guest, I’ve definitely enjoyed weddings where the couple really look in love (it’s never good if you’re doubting whether it will work!) Just like the royal kiss on the balcony, we’re all waiting for the ‘you may now kiss the bride’ moment after your vows.
8. Pick the perfect place to say I do. Your guests don’t want to be freezing in a marquee in the winter or glomping across a muddy field in stilettos. If you’re going with something a little out of the norm then give your guests warning on different attire to wear or provide blankets, flip flops, sunglasses etc to cover the different eventualities. A wonderful trend at the moment is the weekend wedding when you pick a venue where your guests can stay over too. This is great to prolong the festivities and give you more opportunities to relax and mingle with all your guests.
9. Personalise the day. Where you can, try to make the experience individual for your guests so they feel special and an important part of your day. I once went to a wedding and the favours were all bars of chocolate. The wrapper was printed with a photograph of me as a child with the groom (who I’d know since I was very small). Every favour was personal to each guest and how they knew the couple. It still makes me smile thinking about it today.
10. Make it affordable. Think about your guests’ wallets when you’re planning the day. How much does a pint of beer cost at the bar? How much is a room to stay? How far away is the venue from where they live? It may put some guests off or leave a bad taste if things are too expensive or not good value for money. You may look at your guests with dollar signs over the head when you’re writing the guest list but they’re weighing up the expensive of coming too. Make it worth their while and give them a great wedding to remember.
wedding guest list
