Your wedding day is one of the happiest days of your life. When you look around the room you’ll see all the people that you love, however you may also notice all the people that are missing from the celebrations too.
Not to put a dampener on proceedings but inevitably there may be some people who won’t be able to join you on your big day perhaps due to distance, illness or because they have passed away. Telegrams are often traditionally read by those who couldn’t make it and sometimes a toast is raised to absent friends.My own wedding day was tinged with some sadness as my father suddenly passed away 9 weeks before we got married. It was a huge shock and at one point we considered whether we should postpone the wedding. I guess this is why we bought wedding insurance but I didn’t want to be sat around on our chosen date commenting that we would’ve been getting married today. We decided to go ahead and it gave our family something positive to focus on.
I certainly didn’t anticipate having to organise a funeral in the midst of wedding preparations but it did give me some clarity for the day. My father wasn’t around much when I was growing up and he wasn’t always that reliable. He had been unwell for some time prior to his death and so we didn’t know if he’d be well enough to be a part of the day at all, let alone even turn up. Or if he had turned up whether he’d been ill at the reception. Although it was unpleasant circumstances, at least I knew whether he would actually be there or not!
We had already asked my mum to do the ‘mother of the bride’ speech and my Grandad proudly walked me down the aisle (which was fitting as he was such an influential part of my life), and my husband toasted our absent friends in his speech. We didn’t want the day to be dominated by the recent sad events, so we chose not to do anything more public – everything was still too raw to cope with anything else.
I knew the day was going to be emotional but we also had this immense warm feeling of love from all our friends and family who were there and all knew about the ‘elephant in the room’. They were so caring, supportive and encouraging. There was torrential rain the day before we got married (it was August – thanks British weather!) and again the day after. Yet on the day of our wedding it was glorious sunshine and the grass was a lush green and the flowers were all blooming after being refreshed from the rain. In the car on the way to the church, my Grandad told me that he thought the sunshine was his late wife (my Nanny) shining down on us.
I know that my other Nan still watches our wedding DVD back frequently so that she can see her now late husband enjoying the day. The photos too are a snapshot of the people that were in our lives at that time and who we were fortunate to share our special day with. There were poignant moments but the sadness didn’t dictate the day. It was certainly a day of huge celebration. We didn’t forget those that has passed but we didn’t dwell on their passing.
Here are some suggestions of ways to privately or publicly remember lost loved ones at weddings:
Photographs – framed photos set up on a table or part of a family tree, hanging in photo charms on your bouquet, hanging from shoes or placed in a locket
Jewellery – wear heirlooms or gifts from the loved one, wear their wedding bands tied round an ankle or wrist, wear or melt down their wedding band to make your own
Embroidery – material from a piece of their clothing stitched in your wedding dress, use their handkerchiefs or ties, have monograms of their initials stitched in your dress
Candles – a lit candle in church or on a table in the reception
Flowers – use their favourite flower, have a single flower in a vase, put your bouquet on their grave afterwards
Ceremony – dedicate a reading to them, include a tribute in the order of service, get the celebrant to mention them
Chairs – have a reserved seat for them at the ceremony (although this may be a little emotional to see an empty chair there)
Reception – name tables after them, toast them in your speech, place a drink for them at the bar, use a special piece of music
Favours – donate to a relevant charity or place a charity pin as a favour
Releases – let balloons, Chinese lanterns or butterflies float off in to the sky
‘If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.’
A. A. Milne
We are nearly a week in to this brand new year already and I’m sad to be taking the Christmas decorations down with the arrival of Twelfth Night. I used to really enjoy Epiphany celebrations when I lived in France – eating the delicious galette des rois and finding the little charm so you could wear the king’s crown!
It is a bit of a relief to have the season of endless lists safely tucked away for another 11 months though (what with Christmas card lists, present lists and food shopping lists to name a few). Don’t get me wrong, I really like Christmas and I LOVE lists (hey, I’m a wedding planner, lists are what floats my boat!) but things seem to get a little crazy in December.
Harper’s Bazaar’s Ten Iconic Wedding Gowns (so pleased that Audrey Hepburn made the list – honestly if I could dress like her every day I would!)
But I do love this time of year. It’s a time of new beginnings: a new year, new year’s resolutions (*see some of mine at the end of the article), new goals, new plans for the future and the days are finally getting longer again! It’s when our metaphorical diary is full of blank pages yet unwritten. It also seems to be a time when there are an abundance of engagement stories after Christmas or New Year proposals. And with Valentine’s Day just over a month away and it being a leap in 2016, we’re sure there’ll be a few more stories to add to the pot shortly.
So the start of the year often spurs on people to kickstart (or reignite) their wedding planning too. I adore weddings – which is a good thing really! Weddings are such a wonderful celebration of love and marriage. There’s not many times in your life that you have all the people that you care about in the same room at the same time and they’re all there just because two people fell in love with each other. When else would you bring all your circles together in one place? (even Google+ keeps your circles separate!)
For me, I always wanted to get married and admired both sets of my grandparents who celebrated their diamond wedding anniversaries (and beyond). I was determined to aspire to have the same thing for myself despite experiencing the sad adverse reality of my own parents’ marriage. On top of this, my romantic notion was peppered with weddings in films and television programmes that influenced my youth such as:
Scott & Charlene in Neighbours (I still can’t believe that programme has been going over 30 years!)
Charles & Diana (who can forget the puff ball sleeves and the huge long train!)
Monica & Chandler in Friends (how beautifully romantic to fall in love with your best friend)
The One with All the Wedding Dresses episode in Friends (even though my husband thinks it’s a crazy idea I still want a wedding dress party with my friends for my significant birthday in a few years’ time! I’ve no idea if I’ll be able to fit in my wedding dress by then – so maybe that’s another goal to add to the list!)
Pride & Prejudice (who didn’t fall in love with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy)
Four Weddings and a Funeral (the stammering Hugh Grant, the whole ‘will they, won’t they’ story line had me hooked)
Saved by the Bell (yes, Zack and Kelly did get married eventually after being childhood sweethearts. It was a cheesy episode set in Las Vegas but proved that your first love can be your last love too)
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (how did Lois not spot that Superman and Clark Kent were one and the same gorgeous man?!)
Prince William & Kate (they got married the same year that we did so this event heightened the build up to our big day)
Probably the most influential and meaningful weddings that I was honoured to be a part of (prior to my own of course) were those of my two closest friends in July 2007 and August 2008. It was wonderful to be one their bridesmaids (although at the time I thought I was destined to only ever be a bridesmaid and not a bride. I even thought about being a professional bridesmaid at one point!) It feels so wonderful to share someone’s special day and be part of the wedding party.
I waited a long time for my own Prince Charming (honestly I thought the film 27 Dresses was written about me!) but was over the moon to have my own fairy tale day eventually. It was whilst planning my own wedding in 2011 that my real passion for wedding planning took over. I realised how precious it was to have all the people I cared about in one room at the same time. In the space of 18 months I encountered birth, death and marriage (not in that order!) which had a life changing effect on me. So my new beginning was to make Hanami Dream a reality. I decided I wanted to help others to celebrate their own personal milestones. I find that organising these types of occasions is much more rewarding than my old corporate life.
This year has already started with great excitement as I am thrilled to be entered in the UK Blog Awards.**
Voting is open until Monday 25th January 2016 at 9pm. You can vote once a day, every day for 3 whole weeks! So please keep voting.
Thank you and Happy New Year!
*Some of my resolutions for this year include learning to hula hoop (I always think it’s something that I should be able to do but confirm the opposite when I pick one up! And I hope this skill is easier to pick up than the year I attempted to learn the running man!), eating more veggie meals (I’m currently in love with Lorraine Pascale’s Eat Well Made Easy recipe book) and moisturising more often (hmm, with two small children and a husband to look after, time to myself is often in short supply so we’ll see how this one goes!) Hopefully I’ll be able to manage at least one of these by the end of the year!
**More than just a wedding blog, Hanami Dream Wedding and Special Occasion Organisers provide inspiration and help you to celebrate the personal milestones of your life. The blog looks at wedding tips, trends and traditions with real life stories and examples from my own family history. Looking at examples from the past and future trends to provide inspiration to couples who are wedding planning and celebrating milestone occasions.
Our year is starting with great excitement as we are thrilled to be entered in the UK Blog Awards.
If you like reading our blog then we’d really appreciate your support. So please vote for Hanami Dream in the wedding category of the UK Blog Awards #UKBA16.
There was torrential rain the day before we got married (it was August – thanks British weather!) and again the day after. Yet on the day of our wedding it was glorious sunshine and the grass was a lush green and the flowers were all blooming after being refreshed from the rain. In the car on the way to the church, my Grandad told me that he thought the sunshine was his late wife (my Nanny) shining down on us.
