by Hanami Dream | 1, November, 2018 | blog, traditions
Today could mark the start of some exciting changes to where couples can get married in the future in England and Wales. I’m looking forward to hearing about changes in marriage laws today when Chancellor, Philip Hammond, announces the Budget later. He is expected to announce relaxed rules around wedding venues.
the cost of weddings is rising
One of my first marketing jobs was working for a firm of accountants and around budget time we’d need to update all the marketing material that concerned tax rates etc. So since then, I’ve always kept a bit of an eye on the budget. But my ears pricked up more for this annual budget (the last one before Brexit negotiations in November) as there has been lots of talk around the government trying to help couples getting married to keep wedding costs down with a view to the end of austerity.
current marriage laws
Not wishing to get too political, it is interesting that this proposed change could help with the rising costs of weddings and marriage laws could change to bring England and Wales more in line with modern living and other countries.
Currently, the Marriage Act that is primarily in use is the Marriage Act 1949, with some amendments. This requires that a marriage must take place ‘either in a register office, approved premises or in a place of religious worship that has been officially registered for marriages by the Registrar General for England and Wales’.
Therefore, the general rule is that it is the place not the person that is licensed to perform a legal ceremony and it must take place under a solid structure (with a permanent roof). Plus the register must be signed indoors.
changes in where you can legally get married
Many laws surrounding marriage remain unchanged since 1836. The last big change around wedding venues was the Marriage Act 1994 which allowed legal marriages to take place in certain “approved premises”. (Before this amendment, marriage ceremonies could only be conducted in churches and register offices.)
The government is set to propose that the Law Commission reviews the legislation on wedding venues. This could mean that couples could get married outdoors, on beaches, at home and under temporary structures such as marquees. It may also open things up for smaller hotels, restaurants and pubs to boost this part of the hospitality sector.
marriage laws around the world
This proposed change has been discussed before in 2013 but didn’t come to fruition at the time. This proposal (pardon the pun!) is already the case in Scotland where ceremonies can be legally held outdoors, not just by a religious leader or registrants but also for humanists to conduct legally binding ceremonies.
In the US, you can be married by anyone who has been authorised by that state to perform weddings. Couples do not need to have a separate civil and religious wedding ceremony.
Likewise, in Australia a civil ceremony can take place in any location. They are conducted by a registered celebrant and both religious and civil ceremonies are legally binding.
So it could mean that the general rule is that it is the person not the place that is licensed to perform a legal ceremony going forwards.
Meanwhile I wonder if people will put a Brexit 50p in their wedding shoes instead of a silver sixpence in the future too?!
marriage law changes over the years
Here are some other significant changes in marriage laws that have shaped how, where and when couples can get married in England and Wales:
- Until the middle of the 18th century, marriages could take place anywhere provided they were conducted before an ordained clergyman of the Church of England.
- In 1753, the Marriage Act declared that all marriage ceremonies must be conducted by a minister in a parish church or chapel of the Church of England to be legally binding.
- The Marriage Act 1836 allows marriages to be legally registered in buildings belonging to other religious groups if a Registrar and two witnesses were present. It was prohibited to get married during the evenings and at night.
- The Marriage Act 1949 requires that a marriage must take place either in a register office, approved premises or in a place of religious worship that has been officially registered for marriages by the Registrar General for England and Wales. Hours of marriages increased to take place between the hours of six in the evening and eight in the morning.
- The Marriage Act 1994 allows marriages to be legally binding in certain “approved premises”. Prior to the act, marriage ceremonies could only be conducted in churches and register offices.
- The Civil Partnership Act 2004, granted civil partnerships to same-sex couples in the United Kingdom with rights and responsibilities identical to civil marriage.
- In 2013, Parliament passed the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013 which introduced civil marriage for same-sex couples in England and Wales which same the first same sex marriages in March 2014.
- In April 2019, all couples in England and Wales will be able to choose to have a civil partnership rather than get married.
Take a look at other top tips on planning the major elements of your guest list, venue and budget (or the who, where and how much of what I term the ‘holy trinity of wedding planning‘).
by Hanami Dream | 12, June, 2018 | blog, guest post, tips
Why you should take out wedding insurance
Here are some insights from the Wedding Insurance Group – they discuss what wedding insurance is, what it covers, how much it costs as well as some tips on selecting the best wedding insurance policy and what are the risks of an uninsured wedding.
The majority of couples will tie the knot this year without wedding insurance. The last time a study was conducted in 2010, Datamonitor estimated 3 out of 4 weddings in the UK go-ahead uninsured. We don’t have any recent national data, however, our friends over at the Wedding Insurance Group have reported an increase in the number of couples taking out wedding insurance in the last year. It is still arguable that the majority of wedding days and receptions go on uninsured. To understand more, we first have to look at how much weddings cost on average.
The average cost of a UK wedding
It’s no secret that the average cost of a UK wedding has increased over the years. In 2017, various sources reported different averages:
• £27,161 – Hitched
• £30,111 – Brides Magazine
• £17,000 to £27,000 – Bridebook
It’s understandable that many couples will be aiming for a cheaper wedding but at the end of the day, weddings usually are expensive and therefore may require insurance for the couple’s peace of mind. Here’s a scenario to put this in perspective.
Insure your wedding just like your other life assets
Imagine you bought an expensive piece of jewellery that was not covered by your contents insurance. Would you be comfortable leaving your property knowing that if something went wrong, you would not be able to recover its value? Chances are, you’ll ensure that such an asset is appropriately insured, just like your car and property. So why should a wedding be any different?
What does wedding insurance cover?
A good policy will protect your wedding ceremony and reception. Many top providers offer different levels of cover as packages. In this article, we will be using the various packages provided by the Wedding Insurance Group as examples. The following key covers are typical of a wedding insurance policy, however you should always read the Policy Wording to ensure the cover meets your needs.
Wedding cancellation
This protects irrecoverable deposits or fees paid up front if the wedding reception or ceremony was unavoidably cancelled due to reasons such as family or the couple falling unexpectedly ill, the venue experiencing a disaster such as fire or flood or the inability of the couple and majority of the guests to reach the wedding ceremony or reception due to adverse weather conditions.
Additional costs of rearrangement
Imagine the couple paid £5,000 for a wedding venue, which then experiences a disaster such as a fire or flood. As a result, the wedding is moved to an alternative venue that costs £2,000 more. The cancellation cover protects the initial £5,000 cost whilst the additional cost of rearrangement cover protects the extra £2,000 to move the wedding in the event of a valid claim.
The financial failure of suppliers
This provides cover if suppliers have gone out of business due to bankruptcy or liquidation. For example, the cake maker or photographer end up closing their business and are unable to deliver their services. Irrecoverable deposits and the additional costs of arranging alternative suppliers are covered even if the deposit was paid before you bought the policy. Certain wedding insurance policies also contain a specific cover for wedding cars and transport in the instance of breakdowns or accidents.
Additional covers
The policies provided by the Wedding Insurance Group also cover additional important aspects of the wedding such as:
- Wedding gifts
- Rings
- Flowers
- Wedding cake
- Attendants gifts
Wedding liability insurance
This is essentially public liability for the couple that covers accidental injury to third parties or accidental loss of or accidental damage to third party property. Certain policies such as those provided by the Wedding Insurance Group offer the option to increase public liability to cover all guests. Certain venues will not take on a wedding booking unless the couple has public liability cover of £2 million or more. Some insurance providers do offer the option of liability cover only.
Optional covers
As with most insurance policies, there are optional covers to ensure any bespoke preferences are protected such as:
- ceremonial sword cover
- extending public liability to £5 million
- extending public liability cover to all guests
- marquee and mobile WC cover
Overseas wedding insurance
Many wedding insurance providers offer overseas wedding insurance containing the key covers detailed above with additional cover for essential documents such as passports, birth certificates and visas.
Excess and policy wordings
Some wedding insurance providers like the Wedding Insurance Group do not require excesses on any of their policies. It’s always a good idea to read your policy wordings so that you are clear on the exact cover you are purchasing and any additional costs. You may wish to avoid a policy with complicated wordings. Certain providers use ‘Plain English’ and shorter wordings which make it a lot easier for you to understand.
When can I take out wedding insurance?
The accepted period of time between purchasing wedding insurance and the big day itself varies amongst providers although you can purchase a policy up to 2 years before the wedding. It’s a good idea to get cover in place once you start paying deposits and making arrangements. There may also be limits between the date of the ceremony and reception. For example, non-Asian Weddings and Civil partnership ceremonies and receptions insured by the Wedding Insurance Group are required to occur within a 21-day period. There are policies for Asian weddings detailed below.
Asian wedding insurance
There are specialist policies available that are specifically designed for Asian weddings or Shaadi. These policies cover up to 6 events over a period of 94 days and are also delivered as different packages that include the key covers detailed above.
Travel & Honeymoon Insurance
The Wedding Insurance Group offer policies specifically designed for Honeymoons offering single or annual multi trips and long stays. In addition to the usual covers such as emergency medical expenses and cancellation, features such as no age limits or discounts for families (kids go free) are available on single trip policies.
How much does wedding insurance cost?
Costs do vary amongst providers but typically you can arrange cover for less than the price of a bottle of champagne. You can pick up a policy starting from as little as £25 for wedding insurance or £59 for Asian wedding insurance. Naturally, you will want to shop around and you’ll notice many providers display convenient tables that compare different levels of cover. Again, we recommend you read the policy wordings that may contain clauses not displayed in the summarised tables so you are clear about the insurance you are purchasing.
What is the best wedding insurance?
This is solely dependent on the ceremony and reception plan. As detailed above, tables that compare different packages and optional extras make it easier for you to find a level of cover suitable for your wedding and planned expenditure. It’s best to finalise all plans, ensure all suppliers are booked and have an idea of your total costs before purchasing wedding insurance so you are not spending more than you need on a policy.
What are the risks of an uninsured wedding?
Without insurance, the possibility of suppliers failing to deliver their services, the venue going out of business or burning down and the probability of family or the couple falling ill all threaten the harmonious running of a wedding. There are many news stories online about cancelled weddings and other wedding-related disasters that serve as examples of how things can go wrong. Likewise it’s just as important to make sure you are adequately covered and don’t leave yourself underinsured.
Concluding thoughts
As detailed in the introduction, the number of couples taking out wedding insurance is increasing due to greater awareness and recommendations from wedding professionals. Planning a wedding already requires a lot of focus and attention, therefore, it makes sense to ensure all that hard work and financial outlay is protected so you can get on and enjoy one of the happiest days of your life.
@WeddingIG
@WeddingIG
@weddinginsurancegroup
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by Hanami Dream | 17, October, 2017 | tools
Everyone has a different sized budget which varies based on what you choose for your day.
As with most elements of the wedding day, each component can be prioritised in order to put the focus where you want it to go. Bear in mind that within each category of your budget you have a range of price points you could choose depending on the quality (ie you could pick caviar or chips for your food! You could arrive by helicopter or have your mate’s dad drop you off in his car.)
Overall wedding budgets are on the rise. The average cost of a wedding in the UK (outside of London) is currently £27,000. The largest part of the wedding budget is spent on catering, the venue, photography, the wedding dress and entertainment – in that order.
As a guide, I tend to suggest to couples that they allocate around 35% of their overall wedding budget (£9,450 of a £27,000 budget) to cover all aspects of the reception (to include cake, décor, drink, favours, food, furniture and venue hire costs).
Other areas of the budget should include these categories:
- Ceremony
- Reception
- Entertainment
- Attire
- Rings
- Photography
- Flowers
- Stationery
- Transport
- Gifts
- Hen/stag parties
- Honeymoon (optional)
Take a look at an example of a wedding budget in percentage terms and please contact me if you’d like to see a further breakdown of costs.
For more about the money side of things, take a look at the holy trinity of wedding planning: how much.
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by Hanami Dream | 16, October, 2017 | blog, holy trinity of wedding planning, tips
So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus when you hold your wedding is connected too! As previously covered (in the who and where posts), nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as ‘the holy trinity of wedding planning’.
This post deals with the tricky topic of money and how to allocate and prioritise your budget.
For example, where you have your wedding will affect the cost, as a wedding abroad, a local hotel wedding or a rustic barn venue will all vary considerably in price.
Likewise, when you have your wedding will incur different price structures, especially for venues. Different times of the year vary in price and peak season (summer months in the UK) will be more expensive than winter or off peak times. Less popular days of the week are often cheaper than weekend days.
Finally, who you invite or how many guests will obviously have an impact – the more you invite, the more it will cost.
There’s often a perception that anything labelled ‘wedding’ will be more expensive. In certain areas, I don’t believe that the type of event that you’re holding should affect the costs. However, I do understand that a wedding is a really special day and so it demands a certain level of consideration, time and effort to create the special day the couple have envisaged. Couples do have a greater expectation for this life changing event (that they’ll hopefully only do once) and so this will mean more attention from suppliers which can often increase costs to cover additional involvement and interaction.
So, how much will your wedding cost?
Well, this is like asking how long is a piece of string? Because everyone has a different sized budget and it can vary based on what you choose for your day.
As with most elements of the wedding day, each component can be prioritised in order to put the focus where you want it to go. Bear in mind that within each category of your budget you have a range of price points you could choose depending on the quality (ie you could pick caviar or chips for your food! You could arrive by helicopter or have your mate’s dad drop you off in his car.)
Overall wedding budgets are on the rise. The average cost of a wedding in the UK (outside of London) is currently £27,000. The largest part of the wedding budget is spent on catering, the venue, photography, the wedding dress and entertainment – in that order.
As a guide, I tend to suggest to couples that they allocate around 35% of their overall wedding budget (£9,450 of a £27,000 budget) to cover all aspects of the reception (to include cake, décor, drink, favours, food, furniture and venue hire costs).
Other areas of the budget should include these categories:
- Ceremony
- Reception
- Entertainment
- Attire
- Rings
- Photography
- Flowers
- Stationery
- Transport
- Gifts
- Hen/stag parties
- Honeymoon (optional)
Take a look at an example of a wedding budget in percentage terms and please contact me if you’d like to see a further breakdown of costs.
Fixed costs
Pivotal to all your planning is how much money you have to play with. This will determine whether you can go to town or be a bit more creative and diy some elements yourself. How much you have to spend will definitely factor in to how many people you can invite, where you can afford and what they can eat.
There are some costs that won’t change no matter how many people are at your wedding. These are called fixed costs such as:
- Ceremony fee
- Decorations
- Entertainment
- Insurance
- Photography
- Rings
- Venue hire costs
- Wedding dress
Variable costs
There are a number of costs that will alter depending on how many people are enjoying them. As well as the number of guests, you should also consider the size of your bridal party too. These variable costs include:
- Accommodation
- Cake
- Drinks
- Favours
- Food
- Flowers (for attendants)
- Gifts
- Stationery (such as invitations, menus, orders of services, name places etc)
- Suits and dresses for the bridal party
- Transport
Here are my top tips for planning and managing your wedding budget:
- Ascertain how much money you have available
- Determine who is paying or contributing and by how much
- Decide whether to include your honeymoon in the wedding budget costs
- Set a budget
- Stick to the budget
- Have a contingency of about 10%
- Determine the size of your bridal party (and who is paying for all elements of their attire etc)
- Calculate number of guests attending
- Prioritise the budget categories to ascertain your ‘must haves’ versus your ‘nice to haves’
- Adjust the budget according to your priorities
- Research costs – get at least three quotes for each item for comparison
- Work out your fixed costs
- Calculate the difference in variable costs depending on the number of guests attending
- Confirm when and how much deposits and instalment are payable
- Ask about cancellation fees and timings
- Write down what you’ve paid, when you’ve paid it and what you’ve still to pay
- Include tips for waiting staff etc
- Remember it’s just one day and focus on what is really important – your life together!
With the who, where and how much at the fore front of your mind, you can set the date and everything else can fall in to place so you can start planning all the other finer details. Take a look at this handy wedding planning timeline to see when you need to plan for other elements of the wedding day.
Please contact me if you’d like further help and guidance with your budget allocation and a budget spreadsheet template to help with all aspects of your wedding planning.
by Hanami Dream | 30, March, 2017 | tools
Huge congratulations if you’re currently planning your forthcoming wedding (or another milestone occasion). I hope that you’re enjoying the wedding planning process so far. Take a look at this handy wedding planning timeline and other tips to help you get started.
- JUST ENGAGED: Set the budget, date & guest list so you can pick a venue and planner
- 11-12 MONTHS TO GO: Book photographer, florist and caterer, pick your attendants, get insurance & think about decor
- 8-10 MONTHS TO GO: Book officiant and band, register for gifts, book honeymoon, buy dress & pick stationery
- 6-7 MONTHS TO GO: Pick cake, buy bridesmaids dresses, send save the date, trial hair and make up & taste menu
- 3-5 MONTHS TO GO: Book transport, hire suits, pick accessories, buy rings, order favours and decide on decor
- 1-2 MONTHS TO GO: Send invitations, finalise menu, write vows, confirm numbers, create seating plan & complete schedule
After you’ve decided when your special day will be and sorted the major elements of your guest list, venue and budget (or the who, where and how much of what I term the ‘holy trinity of wedding planning‘) then you’re in to the nitty gritty of things.
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by Hanami Dream | 2, June, 2016 | blog, holy trinity of wedding planning, tips
So far in the series, I’ve introduced the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are who, where and how much (otherwise known as your guests, venue and budget). This group of three things are very much intertwined. Plus when you hold your wedding is connected too! As previously covered (in the who post), nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as ‘the holy trinity of wedding planning’.
This month I’m going to tackle the where element and your all-important choice of venue (and will look at the last element in the trinity of how much another time).
Finding the right venue that is available at the right time, for the right price, for the right number of guests will be one of the first (and trickiest) parts of planning your wedding. But once you’ve decided on this element everything else will seem like a doddle! Before venue hunting, have a rough idea of your budget and how many guests you want to share the day with you. (I told you that the where, who and how much elements would come in to play.) And have an idea of when you want it to take place too. See my top tips below to give you an idea of some other factors to help you decide the place where you’ll say ‘I do’.
Nowadays, the world is pretty much your oyster in terms of options available. If you’ve seen ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’, you’ll realise that you can get married in all types of places!
1.Where in the world
Maybe you don’t fancy risking the British weather and want to get married outside of the UK, to jet off or elope. Destination weddings are certainly an attractive proposition and usually mean that all the details get handled for you by the hotel where you are staying. Plus you get your honeymoon and wedding all rolled in to one.
However, it’s worth considering that going abroad could limit who can come to the wedding (here’s the trinity coming in to play again) as not everyone will be able to afford to attend or elderly relatives may not be well enough to travel. Plus, just remember that whoever does come will be with you for your honeymoon too! Guests would have to factor in more time to attend the wedding, so the time of year that you have your wedding may also affect whether they could come.
Before booking your tickets, you should also check the legalities of your chosen country as it may be more hassle than it’s worth to be legally wed in that country (translating of documents, time and effort etc) so you may chose to do the legal bit at home before or after the glamourous beach part. (Don’t forget to make sure your passport matches the name you are travelling under – it might be best to travel under your maiden name unless there is time to get your passport changed before you travel. (See my checklist of other documents and organisations to tell about your change of name.)
2.Pinpoint the location
Once you’ve decided on whether you’re getting married home or abroad, then you need to narrow down the location and think about:
- Which country?
- Which region?
- Which town?
- Will it be in or out of town?
- Would the venue be easy to find?
All these factors will impact on travel costs and timings. Guests will need to consider whether they need to factor in overnight accommodation as well. Plus if your wedding is not near where you live you may not be able to visit the venue many times before the big day or meet with suppliers face to face to view products in advance.
Think about how far away the ceremony venue is from the reception venue in terms of distance but also timings. Depending on what time of day you’re getting married it may conflict with rush hour or school runs that could affect traffic and people travelling between locations.
Wherever you get married, if you are having a Church of England wedding ceremony, your Banns (an announcement of your intention to marry) need to be read in the parish where each of you lives as well as the church where you will be getting married (if this is somewhere different). So if you plan to attend the reading of your Banns, it might be harder if you have to travel far.
3.Formalities
What kind of day do you want? Perhaps you’ve already got your Pinterest boards at the ready (goodness knows how we ever planned anything before Pinterest!) If not, how do you envisage your wedding day? The style of wedding that you want will influence the venue you choose so think about whether you want something that is:
- All in one venue?
- Big or small?
- Relaxed or formal?
- Inside or outside?
- Urban or rural or coastal?
- Unique or package?
- Adults only or child friendly?
- Organised for you or somewhere you can bring together your own group of suppliers?
- What kind of theme do you want?
- Vintage
- Rustic
- Glamourous
- Country garden
- Festival
- Tropical
- Medieval
- Carnival
- etc etc
4.Legally speaking
You could have a religious or civil ceremony, or perhaps have a blessing in an amazing off-the-beaten track location and do the legal bit at another time. According to the Citizens Advice Bureau in the UK, at the moment you can legally get married in the following places:
- a Register Office
- premises approved by the local authority such as a hotel
- a church of the Church of England, Church in Wales, Church of Ireland, Presbyterian or Roman Catholic Church in N. Ireland (opposite sex couples only)
- a synagogue or any other private place if both partners are Jewish
- a Meeting House if one or both partners are either members of the Society of Friends (Quakers) or are associated with the Society by attending meetings
- any registered religious building (England and Wales only)
- the home of one of the partners if the partner is housebound or detained, for example, in prison
- a place where one partner is seriously ill and not expected to recover, for example, in hospital
- a licensed naval, military or air force chapel
In addition, owners of premises that are regularly open to the public (ie stately homes, hotels and civic buildings) can apply to hold civil marriages. Generally these places need to be in a permanent built structure and not an open air venue. So it’s worth checking with your dream venue to check if you could get legally married there.
5.Location, location, location
Whether you’re having a one-stop venue, or having the legal part somewhere else, you’ll want to have somewhere you can relax, eat and have fun with your guests after the ceremony. There are lots of different types of venues to chose from for your wedding reception including:
- Aquarium
- Barn
- Beach
- Castle
- Gallery
- Historic venues
- Hotel
- Landmark venues
- Library
- Marquee style – see my guide to a tipi wedding
- Museum
- Outdoors
- Own home
- Pub
- Restaurant
- Sporting venues
- Stately home
- Zoo
How far in advance you’re planning might open up more possibilities and how much you have to spend will offer different options. Plus the number of guests will complete the trinity of factors that will influence where you pick.
See my list of Top 20 venues in and around Oxfordshire and the Cotswolds for some local venue inspiration.
6.Size does matter
With your trusty (and let’s be honest probably controversial and stress inducing) guest list at the ready, you’ll be able to determine what size of venue you need. Other things to think about with your guests include:
- Will you be feeding all the guests?
- Will it be a sit down meal or buffet? (If you want to all be sat around tables that could change the number of people you can fit in a room versus if people are stood mingling around.)
- Will you be having all the guests for the whole day? Or will you have some for the meal and some will come in addition later for the evening?
The size of the venue will influence how many guests you can invite but you could increase the numbers by having an evening section that doesn’t require everyone to be sat down to eat.
7.Icing on the cake
So what’s really important to you? What are the things you won’t compromise on – those things that your wedding venue must have to make your wedding perfect?
- Do you require parking? How much parking is required?
- What facilities are important to you?
- Do you need disabled access?
- How many rooms will you need?
- What size of rooms are available?
- Are there separate rooms for getting ready beforehand?
- Is there a space for children or for elderly to escape the main area?
- Will yours be the only wedding at that venue on the day?
- Is there accommodation at the venue?
What facilities or factors are on your non-negotiable list?
8.The fine detail
They’re probably not deal breakers, but there may be a few minor points that could sway your decision or would give a different day depending on the decisions by individual venues about their policies on:
- Confetti
- Candles
- Marquees
- Fireworks
- Helicopters
- Music switch off time
- Enough power
- Use of your own suppliers
- License for alcohol
Picking your venue may be time consuming but the effort will be worth it as the venue is probably the most expensive element of the day, so you want it to be right. Once you’ve sorted the venue (and set the date) then you can start planning all the other finer details. With the who, where and how much at the fore front of your mind, everything else can fall in to place.
More about the money side of things soon in the last element of the holy trinity of wedding planning: how much.
by Hanami Dream | 8, March, 2016 | blog, holy trinity of wedding planning, tips
Last month I started to talk about the three key aspects of planning a wedding that pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are where, who and how much (otherwise known as your venue, guests and budget). These are a group of three things that are united. As I mentioned in the post that looked at when to get married, nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as the holy trinity of wedding planning.
This month I’m going to tackle the who element and your all-important guest list (and will look at the where and how much aspects another time).
There will probably be some tough decisions to make with your guest list. Perhaps the reality of your budget means you have to rein in a few of your plans, or other people’s involvement means compromising on some thoughts, or maybe who you want to invite and have on your guest list causes headaches.
Here are 10 things that can dictate and influence who gets to come to the big day:
1. Venue
Firstly the other two elements of the holy trinity of wedding planning (the where and how much) will have a massive say on how many guests you can invite. For example, you can’t decide on a venue without knowing how many people you want to invite. Or maybe you want to pick your dream venue and have the size of the place dictate the number of guests you can invite. The venue could also influence the style of wedding you have based on how many guests you’re allowed in the room for a ceremony, a sit down meal or a standing buffet (this number will vary depending on the number of chairs and tables required for different room set ups).
Where you hold your wedding may affect whether people are able to travel to it. For instance, if you have a destination wedding abroad or hold it in a different part of the country to where your family live. These decisions could mean that elderly relatives can’t make it or people can’t take extra time off work to travel or stay over at the venue. Although, maybe you want to limit the numbers and so eloping or flying off to Vegas may be the best option for you so that you have just a few select guests there. (Bear in mind that infamous episode of Don’t Tell the Bride though and don’t eliminate important guests ie pick one sibling over the other to go to a destination wedding!)
2. Budget
The other part of the holy trinity of wedding planning is the money side of things. How much you have to spend will definitely factor in to how many people you can invite. It might not just be about how many people you can fit in the room, but how many you can afford to be there too. There are some costs that won’t change no matter how many people are there but there a number of variable costs that will alter depending on how many people are enjoying them. These costs include the food, favours, cake, drinks, stationery (such as invites, menus, orders of services etc) and the size of the bridal party. Plus if you are going abroad, consider whether you or your guests pay for their transport, travel and hotel costs.
[Look out for more on budgeting advice for weddings and venue choices in future blog posts about the holy trinity of wedding planning coming soon.]
3. Timing
I covered quite a bit about this aspect in the So, when’s the big day? post last month. Suffice to say that the day of the week could have a big impact on whether people would be able to attend and also if it’s during a holiday time. If you really want to ensure people can make it then the best advice is to give them as much notice as possible. Send out save the date cards or discuss with key people to find out whether they could make it.
4. Law
Let’s bring this back down to the basics. The most important people to be at your wedding are you and your partner. As well as you two, you only really need 3 (or 4) other people to be there if you want an intimate affair. So as long as you’ve got someone to carry out the ceremony (plus a registrar if the person who conducts the ceremony is not authorised to register marriages) and two witnesses then you’re sorted. Anyone else is a bonus.
5. Family
It’s probably best to start with your nearest and dearest. Who could you not do without in order to enjoy the day? These are probably your parents, siblings, family and close friends. If you have a very large family, it could mean that you don’t have many spaces left for lots of other guests!
6. Wedding party
Then there’s the crew that stand alongside you on the big day. These reliable, supportive and trusted friends are who you are putting all your faith in to ensure your day goes smoothly. So pick your team wisely (this was a top tip from one bride in the Wedding day advice from real brides and grooms blog). It is entirely up to you how big to make your wedding party. But consider that how many people are in the bridal party will affect the number of bridesmaids dresses, bouquets, gifts, suits etc that you have to include in the budget (yes, everything comes back to the holy trinity of wedding planning again!) Decide and discuss what you are going to pay for and what elements you require to be paid for by the wedding party as soon as you can.
7. Wallet
Now this is the biggy and probably the most political and controversial aspect. Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying for your own wedding, you pretty much can decide all elements yourself. Or at least have the final say. However, if the money is coming from someone else you may feel indebted to honour their wishes or requests. For example, if your parents are paying then they may want to invite many of their own guests to the day. Traditionally it is etiquette for the bride’s and groom’s parents to have a proportion of the guest list to allocate themselves. Often it comes down to a bit of compromise. For me, I didn’t want to look around the room and not know the people that were sharing our day. With an intimate occasion, I didn’t want to invite a long-list relative at the sacrifice of inviting a dear friend.
8. Day vs evening
If you have the option to be able to split the day to different elements then you could include additional people as evening guests to join you after the main meal. But try to make sure it’s not just a tagged on event and still includes elements of a wedding day to make them feel like valued additions to the day.
9. Plus ones
You’ll also need to decide whether you are going to include children to your wedding. Are you inviting work colleagues? If you’re not limited to numbers will you allow single guests to bring plus ones that you potentially might not even know?
10. Who?
Ultimately, it all boils down to who you want in the room with you and how well do you want to know the people that are there. Honestly, you’ll start to see pound signs appearing above your friends and family’s heads! I guess, it’s a crude way to think of it but in reality you’ve got to think ‘Would I take this person out to dinner and pay for their meal?’ (or pay for them to have a drink, if you are having a separate evening guest list). Do you know them? Do you like them? Have you seen them recently? Do you want them to share your day with you?
When you look back on your big day your wedding photographs will be a snap shot of your family and circle of friends at that moment in time.
There’s no right or wrong answer on who to invite to your wedding. Nor is there a magical formula that will work it out for you. Ultimately, you should invite guests that you want to share your special day with. When you look around the room you want to know that everyone in the room is an important part of your life and it is precious to have all the people you care about in one place at the same time.
So, you’ve got all your guests to the venue, now where do you seat them? Look out for a guide to organising your seating plan in another blog post soon.
by Hanami Dream | 31, January, 2016 | blog, holy trinity of wedding planning, tips
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Photography by Farrow Photography
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It’s February and it might be the shortest month but it is often referred to as one of the most romantic months of the year (especially if Hallmark have done their job properly in convincing you, if you didn’t already agree). Plus this year there is double the chance of a proposal this month (if you are waiting for one patiently) with not only Valentine’s Day on the 14th, but as it is a leap year you can take matters in to your own hands and pop the question yourself on the 29th. We look forward to hearing all the forthcoming engagement stories and wedding plans. (Meanwhile if you are looking for inspiration on ways to propose (or if you just love hearing how people get betrothed) then take a look at some proposal stories from real brides that we’ve curated.)
Congratulations if you are recently engaged. Telling people your big news and flashing your new piece of jewellery is such an exciting time and how wonderful to be spreading good news amongst your nearest and dearest. Unfortunately, just telling the romantic (or run of the mill) engagement story is often not enough information for some of our family and friends. And I imagine that almost in the same breath as wishing you their congratulations, one of the first questions that you’ll get asked (again and again) when you first announce your engagement is ‘So, when is the big day?’ (After you’re married the question then becomes ‘So, when are you having a baby?’ But that’s a different story!)
If you’ve not set the date yet, this can be quite a daunting question and certainly one that requires quite a bit of thought. So before you rush to send out your save the date cards, please let us offer our guidance on how (and when) to set your wedding date.
- Consider the holy trinity of wedding planning
For me, there are three key aspects of wedding planning that go hand in hand and pretty much affect every other thing that is connected with your big day. These are Venue, Guests and Budget (otherwise known as where, who and how much). They co-exist as you can’t really pick your venue without knowing how much you have to spend and how many people you want to invite. Likewise, you might not be able to invite all your guests due to venue size and money constraints. And let’s face it, your budget may well dictate whether you can afford your dream venue or how many second cousins removed can be invited. So they’re a bit like the chicken and the egg (and the farmyard!) as you can’t decide one thing without the other. (Don’t worry we’ll be talking lots about these three elements in future blog posts coming very soon!)
Anyway, I digress as we are actually talking about the when aspect of wedding planning at the moment. However, the where, who and how much elements very much affect when your big day will be too. For example, venues may have different prices depending on the time of the year and do you when your key guests or wedding party be available. Trust me, nearly all the decisions you have to make about your wedding will come back to one, two or all of the elements in what I class as the holy trinity of wedding planning.
- Timing is everything
I married a school teacher so instantly my choices were limited for wedding dates if I wanted to have a honeymoon after the ceremony. (Honestly, I used to take a holiday in November time to enjoy some winter sunshine before I met my husband. But even before kids, I had to resign myself to more expensive non term time holidays! Heavy sign!) So, we chose the summer holidays which then meant we had to consider other people’s travel commitments and it impactedon our budget as it was in the height of wedding season. We also had to consider availability of certain suppliers at a busy time. One benefit of marrying a teacher though is that we weren’t restricted to a weekend date which made it cheaper on the venue costs (although would mean that some of our guests had to take a day off work). See what I mean about it always coming back to decisions or compromises based on cost, guests or venue!
So you have to decide what are your must haves (ie what you’re not willing to compromise on) and what you can be flexible with. For example, in order to get your dream venue are you willing to wait a couple of years to get the right date. Here are some things to bear in mind when picking your date:
- Year – which year are you thinking? This year? Next year? Or several years down the line? This may seem like a basic question but if you want to do something this year then suppliers and venues may already be booked up. So think about how long you have /want to plan the wedding. The more notice you give then the more likely you are able to have your first choice. Only last week I heard a supplier say that they have been booked for a 2020 wedding – now that is forward planning!
- Time of year / season – this could affect what the weather is likely to be like (although who knows what the British weather is up to at the moment!) which could influence your themes, colours, venue, attire, transportation, food choice etc etc. Also different seasons can have an impact on the price and availability of food and flowers. I really wanted the church to be crammed full of cowslip when I got married but this is just nowhere to be seen in August!
- Month – the old Catholic marriage song below states your fate as a couple depending on the month you choose to wed. At the time, it was unusual and unlucky for a couple to get married in May as this was the start of Summer and was marked by a pagan feast. Although this superstition may date further back to Roman times. On the contrary, June and other summer months are very popular and even December is gaining in popularity, presumably so that people can use holiday time around the big day. It is worth considering different months as popular ones are in demand so prices may increase and availability will decrease.
Marry when the year is new, always loving, always true,
When February birds do mate, you may wed or dread your fate
If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow both you’ll know
Marry in April when you can, joy for maiden and for man,
Marry in the month of May, you will surely rue the day,
Marry when June roses blow, over land and sea you’ll go,
They who in July do wed, must labour always for their bread,
Whoever wed in August be, many a change are sure to see,
Marry in September’s shine, your living will be rich and fine,
If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry,
If you wed in bleak November, only Joy will remember,
When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last.
- Day of the week – ironically in another old poem, it states that getting married on a Saturday is unlucky which nowadays is the most common day for people to tie the knot. However it is also one of the most expensive days too. We chose a Friday which still had the benefit of being near a weekend for people to tag on holiday and was slightly cheaper. More people are now considering other weekdays as options and Sundays too (although this used to be deemed as a mark of disrespect which is probably why it is not mentioned in the version of the poem I sourced).
Monday: Brides will be healthy
Tuesday: Brides will be wealthy
Wednesday: Brides do best of all
Thursday: Brides will suffer losses
Friday: Brides will suffer crosses
Saturday: Brides will have no luck at all
- Date – superstition often forces couples to avoid the 13th of the month (especially if it falls on a Friday), your birthday, the day of a full moon, April Fool’s Day and it used to be forbidden to get married in Lent and Advent by the church. Some people think that 7 is supposed to be a lucky number whilst 4 is deemed unlucky in Japanese and Chinese traditions so dates with these numbers may be sought after or avoided by couples. Instead perhaps you want to pick a meaningful date to you such as the anniversary of the date you first met, a memorable date that you’ll remember like 12/12/12 or a nod to your heritage such as your grandparents’ wedding anniversary date.
- Time of day – as someone who is very much driven by their stomach, I would always advise to think about how meal times fit around the formal parts of the day. You don’t want to be having a ceremony when everyone’s tummies are rumbling and there’s no sign of a meal for hours. (As an aside, always keep your guests fed, watered and entertained.) Wedding ceremonies that took place before noon were said to be lucky versus the inverse in the afternoon. However, if you hold a later ceremony you could save money if you only have to feed your guests once in the day.
- Day or night – a wedding after dark used to be considered unlucky but you could split your guests up to have some come for the whole day and others just join you for the evening part of the day so you don’t have to pay for all of them to have a sit down meal.
- Duration – nowadays more and more couples are choosing to have a weekend long wedding over 2-3 days to enjoy the company of their friends and family for longer. This would obviously add cost and commitment from all parties if you were going for his option.
- What else is going on in the world
You may be living and breathing your wedding and everything else in the world is taking a back seat. However, things are still going on around you and some national, local and annual events may have an impact on your guests involvement, availability and enjoyment. For example:
- Public holidays – you may want to avoid them as they might increase traffic on the roads near holiday spots or because guests will have family commitments. Or embrace them as people will instantly have a day off.
- Sporting events – things like the Olympics this year, the FA Cup final and the Euros may be distracting if you’ve got any keen sporting fans attending your wedding.
- Royal occasions – it doesn’t look likely there’s a royal wedding this year (we were certainly worried Will and Kate were going to pick the same date as us in 2011!) but the Queen is celebrating her 90th birthday in June so people may have plans to mark that occasion.
- Other people’s occasions – no one really wants to share their big day with someone else’s thunder. So you may want to avoid other people’s birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and religious festivals. Unbeknown to us, there were two other couples that were guests at our wedding who got married on the same date as us (they are teachers too!). They actually liked it as it was a great way to celebrate their own anniversary. However, if it had been a milestone anniversary they might have thought differently. Likewise picking a date near a close friend or family member’s own wedding day might not go down too well either.
Take a look at a list of some events (in England) in 2016 that could influence your choice of dates.
And here are the 2017 dates for your diary to consider.
Plus the 2018 dates for your diary.
Here are the 2019 dates for your diary – https://www.hanamidream.co.uk/dates-for-your-2019-diary/
And here are the 2020 ones too.
Good luck on your quest to pick a date for your wedding day and therefore your wedding anniversary date for years to come. I know a lot of thought will go in to answering the question of ‘So, when is the big day?’ Remember to pick a date that works for you (and the holy trinity of wedding planning obviously!)
We’d love to hear your engagement stories please contact me with how you proposed or were proposed to.
by Hanami Dream | 15, September, 2015 | blog, guest post, tips
My phone broke the other week and I lost all my photos. I was gutted I’d not backed it up recently. It made me realise how important pictures are to me – a lasting memory of a moment in time never to be replayed. Luckily technology nowadays allows us to have a back up, prepare for the worst and gives us options should accidents or the unexpected happen. Surely we should apply this same back up plan mentality when thinking about one of the biggest (and most expensive) days of our lives? Here are some things to think about, courtesy of those nice people at Silk Thistle Wedding Insurance.
When planning your wedding, insurance is probably the last thing on your mind. After all, there are so many important decisions to make: Finding the perfect venue, planning menus, colour schemes and flowers. Would you like your bouquet cascade or would a single flower make more of a statement? Should you have a traditional three-tier cake or one made of cheese or even a pork pie wedding cake? Would you prefer a vintage Rolls Royce to take you there or something a little different, like a double decker bus or a Hummer?
Even wedding photography has got more complicated; drones, videos and photo booths are all available, as well as some amazing wedding photographers, but who or what do you choose? There are wedding trends you had never even thought of: Boho, Gatsby, Rockabilly and Fairytale to name a few. Your wedding dress will reflect your style so it’s essential to get it right. And what about the shoes?
You plan everything down to the minutest detail. It’s like a military operation. What could possibly go wrong……?
Well unfortunately, things don’t always go to plan. What if the hotel you had booked your reception at went into receivership, along with your hefty deposit just two weeks before the wedding? Or the bridal shop burnt down, along with your dress? What if your Dad had to go into hospital suddenly? The seating plan would be the least of your worries as you would be more likely to postpone the wedding altogether. It’s all very well planning for a little rain, but what if the weather was so bad you and your guests couldn’t even get there? What would you do if the photographer’s equipment was stolen and all those memories lost or the wedding cake got damaged in transit?
Wedding Insurance can protect against such eventualities by covering you financially should things go wrong. At Silk Thistle Wedding Insurance, there are six levels of cover to suit every budget, as well as optional extras like marquee, ceremonial swords and public liability cover. They cover things like the rings, venue, dress, cake, suppliers and even photography (if only they covered losing photos on smart phones!)
With the average wedding in the UK costing over £20,000 they don’t come cheap. It is a large financial commitment, probably the biggest you’ll make after buying a house and a car. Wedding Insurance is probably one of the smallest expenses of your wedding budget. It could be the best money you’ll ever spend on your wedding!
For more information go to www.silkthistle.co.uk
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